Walking on the edge

I always liked walking on the edge. It gave me a lot of emotions and tension which I cannot compare to anything else. It’s not about extreme sports as I am afraid of them, but creating complex situations which can do a lot of harm, more so than bungee jumping.

I asked myself why do I do this? What am I missing if I need these kinds of emotions? Am I normal? I haven’t had an answer for a very long time and I’ve had many senseless thoughts taking me nowhere. I’ve always fallen on my feet so I trust my luck.

My tendency to take risks and impromptu decision making which some people would consider unreasonable has taken me to where I am now – I left my home village, I got divorced, I came to the big city and I succeeded at work. A lot of people prophesised failure and told me I would soon be back. Was I afraid? Yes, very much! Mostly because I took a decission not only for myself but also for my 4 yo daughter. Do I regret it? No! Would I do it again? Yes! But it wouldn’t be so easy anymore and I would prepare myself better. For sure following my blog in this category you will understand what walking on the edge really means.

Now when I am almost 40 a lot reflections come to mind, taking stock and plans for the coming years. I have decided to look at my life from a distance, slow down and look for alternatives to putting myself in risky situations and find a balance. Getting an objective view of myself and establishing distance from what I do or the decisions I make is not easy. Humans are sneaky beasts who always find excuses and blame circumstances rather than themselves.

Well, I am sure I am no different from others in this regard as I’ve always found an excuse for everything I’ve done. I’ve learnt to question myself which helps me plan a way to make things happen.

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